I was just commenting on another writer’s post the other day about how our kids teach us. With my first two kids, I thought I was a brilliant parent, and I gave plenty of side eye to the helpless dads at Walmart with their kids throwing epic tantrums in the aisles. But when I had my third, I realized I had just been lucky. My “go to” parenting techniques — things like giving immediate consequences for bad behavior — just escalated bad situations.

Eventually, I realized you need to learn from your kids (and a bit of trial and error). I’m now very reluctant to judge any other parent’s approach. Junk food bribes — maybe there’s a reason! Handing their kid a lit cigarette — small “hmm.” And so on.